After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
