i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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