I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
