The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
