I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize