ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
