um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
