God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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