How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
