She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
