Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
