I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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