i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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