is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
