Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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