It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
