He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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