we have officially lost it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
