I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
