Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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