It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
