No subtext here. People are naked.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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