don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
