I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
