I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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