Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
