I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
