so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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