The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
