he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
