there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
