The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
