yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
