I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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