But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
