i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
