Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
