this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
