Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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