R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize