Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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