I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
