youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
