I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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