Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
