i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
