my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize