I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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