hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
