Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
