At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Terrible idea I love it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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