Small penises have feelings too.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
