I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
