Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
