You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
