her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
