I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
