Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
