people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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