When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
