the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I want to be your penis for a week.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
