So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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