Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
