I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
