Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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