i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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