We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
